Second Chances
by Christine M. Greenleaf
Summary: Two-Face and Poison Ivy's relationship breaks down again, just as Harvey Dent's ex-fiancee, Grace Lamont, comes back into his life. Two-Face has to choose between the woman Harvey used to love, and the one Two-Face currently loves, which will take more than the flip of a coin.
1. Chapter 1

**Second Chances**

Poison Ivy woke up in a bed that wasn't hers. Not that this was unusual, she thought, as she looked around the room, but this wasn't the bed she was used to waking up in recently. Up until yesterday, she had been dating Lex Luthor, billionaire businessman and current United States presidential candidate. But last night, Lex had called to tell her it was over – not her fault, he assured her. It was just bad publicity for his presidential campaign to be dating a supercriminal. Ivy had played it cool, accepting his decision with good grace – their relationship had only been for fun, after all. But as the hours passed, she found herself feeling very lonely, and so despite her better nature, she had decided to call one of her exes to keep her company that night. And it was his room she was waking up in for sure – this particular ex personalized everything.

She slowly crept her way out of her side of the bed – the good side of the bed, with white sheets, as opposed to the bad side of the bed, which had black ones, and where her ex lay, still asleep.

She bent down to reach for her clothes, slipping them on hurriedly and tiptoeing toward the door. "You ain't gonna stay for breakfast?" muttered a familiar voice.

Ivy turned to smile at Two-Face, who was now sitting up on his half of the bed. "No, thanks, Harvey. I should be getting home…"

"You sure?" he asked. "I'd really like you to stay."

Ivy sighed inwardly. To be fair, it was unusual for her to hear that from a guy, and she decided to embrace the novelty. "Ok, if you want," she said, leaving the door and coming back over to the bed. Two-Face leaned forward to kiss her.

"Good morning," he whispered.

"Yeah…morning," she said, drawing away. "How'd you sleep, Harvey?"

"Very soundly," he said, grinning. "As you might imagine from all that exercise last night…"

"I'm glad," she said, hastily, as he tried to embrace her again. He looked at her in surprise.

"Something wrong, Pam?" he asked. "You seem a little…funny this morning."

"It's nothing, Harvey, it's just…" she trailed off. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have done this."

He stared at her. "You regret it?"

"No, not regret it – I mean, it was a lotta fun last night," she agreed. "I just…don't want it to be anything more than that. This doesn't mean anything, y'know. I just wanna make sure you understand that."

He studied her. "Yeah, I know," he muttered at last, reaching for his clothes.

"Do you still want me to stay for breakfast?" she asked.

He nodded, dressing. "Might as well. Now that you're here."

"I did tell you last night, Harvey – I don't want you to get the wrong impression about our relationship," said Ivy.

"Yeah, sorry, I forgot our relationship was just about you using me when you feel like it," he muttered. "That is, when you ain't got another guy who's stupid enough to get involved with you."

"There's no need to take that tone," retorted Ivy, coldly. "You didn't have to invite me over."

"And you didn't have to call me," he snapped. "But you did, Pam. I thought that meant something at least."

"Yeah, it meant that you were available!" she snapped. "And willing!"

"And that's all?" he demanded.

"Yes, Harvey, that's all," she replied, firmly.

He grabbed her shoulders. "You don't care about me at all, do you, you selfish little tramp?!" he muttered. "All you care about is having a man to wrap your roots around until the next one becomes available!"

"You can look at it like that," hissed Ivy. "Or you can look at it as an arrangement that gives mutual pleasure to both of us…"

"I don't want an arrangement with you, Pammie!" he roared. "This ain't some legal contract or cold business deal! Or have you been around Luthor too long to remember what real human relationships are like?!"

"Every real human relationship I've been in has been pretty similar to this," snapped Ivy. "Humans take what they want from each other, they use each other, and then they leave each other. Why should I expect you to be any different to every other man I've dated?"

"Because I love you, Pam!" shouted Two-Face. "I love you!"

Ivy glared at him. "Well, I don't want you to love me, Harvey," she snapped. "I just want you to see our relationship the same way I do – as a casual, occasional pleasure. But I guess I shouldn't have encouraged your delusions. I knew this was a mistake," she snapped, heading for the door. "Next time I'll just call somebody else. Somebody less crazy."

"Well, good luck with that, since anybody who wants to get involved with you would have to be completely nuts!" snapped Two-Face.

Ivy glared at him. "See you around, Harvey," she muttered, opening the door and slamming it shut behind her.

"Morning, boss…oh…uh…hi…Miss…uh…Ivy," stammered one of Two-Face's henchmen as she strode down the hall of his hideout.

"He's gonna be in a bad mood," said Ivy, as she headed for the front door. "I'd clear out before he flips the coin to decide which one of you guys he shoots in the head."

She left the henchmen to their panicking and returned to her own hideout, which was a mistake. She walked through the door and was instantly slammed to the ground.

"Pamela Lillian Isley, you're under arrest for arson and murder. Anything you have to say can and will be used against you…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know the drill," snapped Ivy, as her hands were cuffed behind her back. She glanced up at the officer on duty, and smiled. "Well, haven't seen you around before, handsome."

"It's my first day in the field," he admitted.

"Really? In that case, I'll take it easy on you," she said, grinning. "I'll even give you a confession. C'mere."

The officer leaned forward, and Ivy planted a kiss on his lips. "Now let me outta these and and defend me, sugar," she whispered.

The hypnotized officer obeyed her instantly, unlocking the handcuffs and pulling out his gun to fire at his comrades. Ivy used the chaos to race out of the building, heading to her car outside.

"Going somewhere, Ivy?" asked a familiar voice. She looked up to the roof just as Batman jumped down onto her, tackling her to the ground.

He slipped Batcuffs on her wrists and locked them to the drainpipe outside her house. He then rushed inside to handle the situation with the hypnotized cop.

Ivy shut her eyes, summoning her plants to help her, and vines snaked across her lawn, wrapping around the chain and snapping it in two.

"Thanks, babies," she said, racing toward her car. She leapt inside, screeching off into the streets of Gotham, but it wasn't long before a black figure landed on top of her hood. She veered erratically to try to shake him off, hitting fellow motorists until she careened into the guardrail on the Gotham Bridge. The car plunged over the edge as Batman kicked a hole in her windscreen. As the car fell, he grabbed her, shooting the Batclaw up to the bridge and pulling her up after him.

They climbed back onto the bridge and Batman slapped Batcuffs on her again. "Let's get you back to Arkham," he growled.

Ivy sighed heavily as she was dragged off. "Should have stayed for breakfast," she muttered.


	2. Chapter 2

Several weeks later, Poison Ivy was still in Arkham, and getting bored. There was nothing to do in Arkham, and what was bothering her even more was that, at the moment, there was _no one_ to do in Arkham. Two-Face hadn't been dragged back yet, and Ivy found herself increasingly desperate to scratch her itch. She caught herself studying the other inmates and wondering who would be the least objectionable to have intercourse with. Her eyes fixed on Jonathan Crane and Jervis Tetch sitting at the Rec Room table with a pot of tea, and she began to wonder which of the two would cry less at losing their virginity.

"Are you all right, Pamela?" asked Crane, noticing her staring. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

"Uh…no, thanks, Johnny," she replied, telling herself she wasn't that desperate yet and returning her attention to the magazine she was reading. A magazine that was unhelpfully running a story about tips for women in the bedroom. She shut it quickly, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV.

"Wait, since when did we get HBO?" she demanded, glaring at the steamy scene on screen.

"It's a recent development – the city decided if prisons got cable TV, we needed to as well," replied Crane. "But it seems to be mostly pornographic."

Ivy sighed, flipping off the screen. "Why is it, whenever you're single and alone, there's nothing but stuff reminding you of sex everywhere?"

"I don't know, having always been single and alone," retorted Crane. "I assume that's just what the world is like."

"I find the key is to look for joy in the little things," said Tetch. "Sublimate your desires into smaller, more attainable goals. Like making the perfect cup of tea."

Ivy looked at him. "Yeah…I guess I could try something like that," she muttered. "Knitting or…stamp collecting or…oh God, I need a man!" she said, burying her face in her hands. "Or I'm gonna end up alone with a buncha cats like Selina! And everyone will call me Catwoman 2! And that movie was bad enough the first time without making a sequel!"

"Look, I'm sure life's not that bad," said Tetch, gently. "After all, it could be worse…"

"How could it be worse?" demanded Ivy.

The door opened at that moment and the Joker was shoved inside.

"Oh yeah, that'll do it," muttered Ivy.

The door opened again and Harley Quinn was shoved inside, wearing a loose-fitting suit and a grey wig. "I can't believe you tried this again, Joker!" snapped Dr. Leland, following Harley inside. "And that you went along with it again, Harley!"

"I dunno what you mean, Doc!" cried Joker. "Do you, person who is definitely not Harley Quinn?"

"No, puddin'…uh…I mean…" stammered Harley, putting on a sudden German accent. "I mean, no, _Herr_ Joker! I am Doctor Schultz of Hamburg…"

"Harley, please, I have enough on my mind with Nygma in the infirmary with third degree burns!" snapped Dr. Leland. "Thanks again for dumping a bucket of boiling water on his head, Joker."

"Hey, it was for charity!" snapped Joker. "It was an original take on that ice bucket challenge! Hilarious and relevant!"

"Just try not to maim anyone in here for twenty-four hours, all right?" snapped Dr. Leland.

"No maiming for twenty-four hours?" repeated Joker, horrified. "But…but a man has needs, Doc!"

Dr. Leland glared at him and then left, slamming the door shut after her. "Ok, but you're gonna regret it when Dr. Heimlich here sues you for wrongful imprisonment!" shouted Joker after her.

"It's Dr. Schultz, puddin'," said Harley, adjusting her wig. "Dr. Heimlich was last time…uh…I mean, release me at vonce, Joan…uh…Dr. Leland!"

"Oh, forget it, Harl!" growled Joker, ripping her wig off. "You little idiot! You disguising as a visiting German psychiatrist was a surefire ticket outta here, but you had to ruin everything, as usual!"

"I'm sorry, puddin'," said Harley, sincerely. "I didn't mean to blow the scheme, but being on the therapy couch with you just took me back, and your face is so handsome that I just can't resist kissing your beautiful lips..."

"Get offa me, you dumb blonde!" he roared, shoving her away.

"Now puddin', the relationship counselor said we needed to start communicating in a healthy, productive way," said Harley. "And that we need to start sharing responsibility for the failures in our relationship. So I'll take the blame for ruining the disguise if you find something to blame yourself for…"

"I ain't taking any blame, because it ain't my fault in any way!" he shouted. "Well, I guess it _is _my fault for trusting you to do something right, you dumb broad! If you could just keep your hands to yourself for once, you useless waste of space, a lot more of my schemes would go according to plan!"

"I doubt that, J," retorted Ivy. "I'm pretty sure you're just a failure at life."

"And good morning to you too, Weed Lady!" said Joker, grinning at her. "What are you still doing in here? Ain't got Daddy Warbucks to buy you a parole yet?"

"If you mean Lex, we broke up," snapped Ivy.

"Of course I mean Sexy Lexy – who else could be Daddy Warbucks?" chuckled Joker. "He's rich and bald, just like him. Also has a thing for taking in stray redheads. Was that why you broke up? He found someone younger and hotter?"

"We broke up because he decided he needed a squeaky clean image for his presidential campaign," growled Ivy.

"And you were too dirty, huh?" giggled Joker. "Hardly surprising, I suppose, when you spend a lotta time getting friendly with plants."

"You doing ok, Red?" asked Harley, pulling off the oversized suit to reveal her costume underneath. "I'm here if you wanna talk about it."

Ivy sighed. "Yeah, it might be good to talk to someone," she agreed. Harley came over to the sofa, along with Joker.

"Beat it, J," snapped Ivy.

"Aw, but I wanna hear all the dirt on Lexy!" said Joker. "Tell me, as a man, how does he measure up? I'm betting pinky size…"

"Why would I date a guy like that?" demanded Ivy.

Joker shrugged. "Beggars can't be choosers."

Ivy looked ready to punch him in the face, but Harley intervened. "C'mon, Mr. J – Red and me just want some nice girl talk with just the two of us. Why doncha do something fun like design that new hideout of yours? You remember, the one you want to build in the volcano?"

"Oh yeah!" said Joker, beaming. "I want my next caper to be James Bond themed – _Laugh and Let Die_ is the provisional title," he explained. "I'm writing one of those Shirley Bassey songs for a scantily-clad Harley to perform in the title sequence – _The Joker! _*wah wah wah* _He's the man, the man with the laughing gas! A happy gas!_ _Such a kind Joker! _*wah wah wah* _Invites you to share in his joyful grin! So just breathe in!_"

He headed off whistling while Harley reached into her pocket and handed Ivy a bar of chocolate. "Here. I was saving it for playtime with Mr. J, but you need it more."

"Gee…thanks, Harley," said Ivy, taking it.

"So c'mon, Red, tell me anything," said Harley, crossing her legs on the sofa and hugging the pillow. "You miss Lex?"

"Not Lex," retorted Ivy. "Just…men in general. I'm not used to going this long without sex, and with Harvey still not back, I'm getting a little desperate."

"You ain't been in here that long, have you?" asked Harley.

"Four weeks," replied Ivy.

Harley looked confused. "But…gee, Red, didn't you have sex until you got arrested?"

"Yeah," agreed Ivy. "A month is still a long time to go without it, though."

"Well, how often did you and Lex have sex?" asked Harley.

"I dunno – it varied," she said, shrugging. "At least a couple times a week, though…"

Harley fell off the sofa. "A couple times…A WEEK?" she gasped. "You're joking, right?"

"Uh…no," said Ivy.

"But…but no one gets it a couple times a week!" gasped Harley. "Guys aren't interested in it that much!"

Ivy stared at her. "Are you crazy?" she demanded.

"No, I just…I ain't ever…experienced that," said Harley. "You're really lucky, Red. I get it a couple times a month if I'm lucky, and a couple times a year if I ain't."

"That's because your boyfriend is a repressed freak who sublimates his sexual desires by fighting a guy in a bat costume," retorted Ivy.

"No, he don't!" snapped Harley. "And he's getting better! We've been seeing a relationship therapist, and she's helping us work through our issues as a couple with open and honest communication. For instance…"

She stood up, heading over to where Joker was drawing a picture of a volcano hideout. She cleared her throat. "Mr. J, in the spirit of open and honest communication, I need to inform you that I'd like more regular sexual activity."

"Well, I'd like to be best friends with Charlie Chaplin," said Joker, not looking up. "So we can't always get what we want. Unless I made a scheme to resurrect Chaplin and have his zombified corpse fight Batman…write that down, Harley."

"Mr. J, that counselor said our relationship needed equal amounts of give and take on both sides," said Harley. "So why don't you agree to do this for me, and I'll do something nice for you in return?"

"Because you'll do something nice for me anyway if I ask you to," he snapped. "You're a pushover, Harley. And nobody makes deals with pushovers. Easier to just push 'em over," he said, shoving his hand onto her face and pushing her backward with a squeak.

"You dumb jerk!" she shrieked, standing up and rubbing her backside. "How's our relationship ever gonna get better if you won't do what the counselor said?"

"Our relationship's fine, Harley," he retorted. "I tell you what to do, and you do it. Couldn't be more perfect."

"No, it ain't!" she snapped. "I want more sex! And you'd better give it to me, or I'll…I'll…withhold sex! No, wait, dammit, that doesn't work! Uh…I'll…pour a bucket of boiling water on your head for charity, just like you did to Eddie!"

"Good luck getting your hands on some boiling water, toots!" he snapped. "They're paranoid after my incident – didn't even donate to charity either, the selfish bastards! I had the Joker Foundation to Spread Smiles and Laughter all set up…"

Harley glared at him and stormed away. "Stupid clown," she muttered. "How am I gonna…"

She trailed off when she noticed Crane and Tetch, and an idea came to her. "Hi boys, how's it going?" she asked, pulling out a chair.

Ivy sighed as Harley went to join them. "So much for talking," she muttered. "Why does life hate me? What have I ever done wrong? Why can't I catch a break for once…"

As she said this, the door opened again and Two-Face entered. "Harvey, you're back!" said Ivy in relief.

He glared at her. "Yeah. And? Why would you care?"

"Well, I…I just thought…uh…you might wanna…catch up," said Ivy, slowly.

"Forget it, Pam," he snapped. "I'm still angry at you, and I don't wanna have anything to do with a woman who's just interested in using me. I got a little more self-respect than that, even if you don't."

Ivy glared at him as he sat down and picked up a book. "Fine," she sniffed. "I don't care. I'm Poison Ivy, and I have no problems getting men. I'll be outta here in no time and have guys throwing themselves at my feet. No man can resist me, after all."

"One can," snapped Two-Face.

"Two!" said Joker, shooting his hand up.

"Shut up, J!" snapped Ivy. "I'd never want you in a million years!"

"Beggars can't be choosers," repeated Joker, giggling.

Ivy ignored him, turning the TV back on and trying to distract herself. One of guards entered at that moment. "Mr. Dent, you have a visitor," he said to Two-Face.

He looked up from his book, surprised. "Oh…really? But how could Bruce have known I was back..."

"It's not Mr. Wayne, Mr. Dent," said the guard. "It's a woman."

Two-Face's faces looked even more confused. "A woman?"

"She says her name is Grace Lamont," said the guard.

An expression of pain passed over his faces. "Grace?" he repeated. "Why…why would she…after all these years…"

"Who's Grace?" asked Ivy, casually.

"My ex-fiancee," muttered Two-Face. "We broke up after…I tried to kill her. I thought she was having an affair with Bruce…should have known better, really. Bruce is a good man, and he forgave me for my mistakes. And Grace is…a good woman."

"Well, nobody's all good or all bad, Harvey," snapped Ivy. "You know that. We're all a little of both, fifty fifty, remember? But why did you think she was cheating on you with Bruce if she wasn't?"

"The evidence was…very incriminating," growled Two-Face. "There was a picture in the paper announcing their engagement…"

"Oh yeah, that gag!" giggled Joker, beaming. "I set that up! Harley snapped the cozy picture of the two of them and sold it to the paper along with the engagement story…"

"That was you?!" roared Two-Face, furiously. "You bastard! You two-faced bastard!"

"Pot to the kettle, Harvey…" began Joker, but Two-Face seized him and flung him into the table where Crane, Tetch, and Harley were sitting. Harley grabbed the teapot out of way, clutching it protectively to her chest, as Joker's body collided with the table.

"Another day, another brawl," sighed Crane, as Joker picked himself up and launched himself at Two-Face. More guards rushed in to split them up, and dragged Two-Face out of the Rec Room and toward the visiting room.

"Can't take a joke, honestly," muttered Joker, wiping his bleeding lip as the guards released him.

"Thank you for saving my teapot, Harley," said Tetch, sincerely. "It's an antique…Harley? Harley?" he said, looking around. Harley had left the table and was tiptoeing over to where the Joker was sitting, working on his plan again. She still held the teapot, and the realization suddenly dawned on Tetch.

"No, no, no, Harley, it's an antique!" he cried, racing forward to intercept her, but it was too late. Harley shattered the teapot on Joker's head, and he roared in pain as the scalding water soaked him.

"Ha! Now who can't take a joke, pud…" began Harley, but he whirled around, grabbing her by her pigtails, eyes blazing.

"You little brat!" he shouted into her face. "I'm gonna break every bone in your worthless body!"

He slammed her against the wall and began choking her as the guards raced forward. "No…just back off…boys!" gasped Harley. "This is gonna…get him in the mood!"

"You're gonna be punished real hard for this, Harley," he hissed. "You're gonna get the spanking of a lifetime! C'mon," he growled, dragging her off by her hair.

Harley giggled. "I love it when you talk dirty, puddin'!" she sighed, adoringly.

Ivy stared after them, shaking her head. She idly wondered what this ex-fiancee wanted with Two-Face, but then she decided she didn't really care. It wasn't like she was jealous or anything. She was Poison Ivy – she didn't get jealous. Not at all.


	3. Chapter 3

"Look, let go of me!" snapped Two-Face, breaking away from the guards' grip. "I ain't gonna attack anyone but that damn clown! And I don't want Grace to see me escorted in restrained like some maniac!"

"Yeah, 'cause she ain't gonna think that otherwise," muttered a guard under his breath.

Two-Face felt his hands tensing into fists to strike the man, but thoughts of appearing calm and collected in front of his former fiancee restrained him. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, seizing his coin instead and flipping it idly.

"All right, let's get this over with," he muttered.

The guards opened the door to the visiting room and Two-Face entered, looking up to see the woman on the other side of the glass.

She had always been a very beautiful woman – he had forgotten just how beautiful. And it wasn't just her outward appearance – Grace may be a lawyer, but nobody had a kinder, sweeter, gentler heart than she had. It had taken a lot for him to drive her away, but even the kindest, sweetest, gentlest woman couldn't be expected to forgive a man after he tried to kill her.

"Hello, Harvey," she said, smiling as he sat down.

"Hello, Grace," he murmured. "What brings you here?"

"I…wanted to see you again," she said. "I was…uh…moving house, and I found some letters of yours from…the early days of our relationship. It made me want to see how you were doing."

Two-Face shrugged. "Still in here," he replied. "Big surprise."

"Well…it_ is_ kinda a surprise for me," she murmured. "I always thought you could beat this thing, Harvey, if you really tried."

"Nothing to beat," he muttered. "Can't destroy one half of myself. My…bad side is here to stay."

"I don't believe that, Harvey," she said. "The man I loved wasn't a bad man…"

"Yeah, that was the problem," he agreed. "The reason it's manifested itself so permanently is because I've repressed it for so long. If I hadn't been afraid of this part of my true nature before, if I hadn't hidden it at the risk of losing friends and voters and…more important people," he said, glancing at her. "Then I probably wouldn't be where I am today. But at least there's a sense of self-acceptance now, and the shrinks say that's important. The coin's still here, of course," he said, withdrawing it from his pocket and flipping it. "But one step at a time, I guess."

She nodded. "And…how are you doing?" she asked, gently. "I don't just mean progress-wise, I mean…how are you feeling?"

"Fine," he said. "I feel fine. Got problems, but everyone does."

"What kind of problems?" she asked.

"Why do you care?" he retorted. "You made things very clear to me after my…outburst. We're over forever, and you never want to see me again."

"I didn't," she agreed. "But I can't just forget four years of my life. Of _our _life. Four happy years that…ended so badly."

"That's life," he muttered. "For every good thing, there's an equal bad thing. It's a lot simpler once you realize that. Things aren't just dependent on chaos. There's an order to it. The order of chance."

He flipped the coin. "People say it's random, but it's not. It's very fixed and certain. Good or bad. Heads or tails. Fifty fifty."

"I'm…glad life seems simple to you, Harvey," she said, quietly. "It's not that way for everyone. Maybe I should get myself a coin too, then maybe I'd never have…"

She trailed off, wiping her eyes. "If you don't want to tell me about your life, I'll tell you about mine," she said. "I…got married."

"Congrat…" began Two-Face.

"And we've just finalized our divorce," she interrupted. "Turns out he wasn't a…nice guy. Maybe we share that two thing, with me marrying a two-timer. I sure can pick 'em, huh?" she said, forcing a smile.

"I'm…sorry," said Two-Face, sincerely. "But I'm glad you got him outta your life. You deserve better than that, Grace."

She nodded. "Yeah, I know. It was me who asked for the divorce. I'm glad he's out of my life too, but…it's still upsetting to think about. I've always thought of myself as a smart, strong, independent woman, and so it's awful to think about me getting taken in so easily by a bad guy. But after…what happened between us, I just wanted to move on as soon as possible, so I fell for the first guy who took an interest in me. Stupid, really. But I guess that's what happens when you make decisions with a broken heart."

"Yeah, like coming to see me, I guess," agreed Two-Face.

"I don't think it's a bad decision," she murmured, gazing at him. "Do you?"

He shook his head slowly. "It's…good to see you, Grace," he murmured. "And I'm sorry that you've been having a difficult time. But I can't imagine seeing me in here like this has made your life any easier. To know that you've dated at least two bad guys…"

"It makes me realize I have a problem, if nothing else," she said, forcing another smile. "Maybe I should go into some therapy. Does Arkham offer that, for non-homicidal people?"

"Yeah, talk to Dr. Leland," he said. "She's great. And…uh…if you're around here more often, maybe we can…talk again."

"I hope so," she said. "It's good to see you too, Harvey. You seem…calmer. I'm glad being in here has helped you out. Probably more than I could have ever done, if we hadn't…"

"Bruce…comes to see me a lot," murmured Two-Face. "That's what helps me. Not the therapy, but just talking to people I…care about. People Harvey used to…be really close to. It's good for me to know that the people I used to care about still do care, that they still accept me, even though I'm some kinda monstrous freak…"

"I've never thought that, Harvey," she whispered. "I was…understandably upset at the way you overreacted about your own misunderstanding, when all Bruce and I had ever done was try to help you. I said a lot of harsh things, and I meant them. But you seem to have…changed a lot from who you were then."

"I still overreact about stuff," he retorted. "I like to think that if it had been true, I would still have killed Bruce for betraying me. But that's only because I hate liars and backstabbers. I've been forced to face the darkness within myself, and I hate people who can't do the same. The people who can't show their true face, like I show mine."

Grace nodded. "Yeah. Would have saved me a lotta pain if…my ex-husband had shown his bad face. At least any woman involved with you would know what they're getting into."

Two-Face didn't know what exactly prompted him to burst out, "Well, there ain't any woman involved with me at the moment."

Grace smiled. "That's a shame," she said, softly. "You're a sweet guy, Harvey. I mean, if your bad side's on show, so is your good side. And it's just…beautiful. Maybe even worth putting up with the bad side for."

She stood up. "I'll see you soon, Harvey."

"I'm…uh…really looking forward to it," he stammered.

She smiled. "So am I," she replied. "Take care of yourself."

"Yeah, you too, Grace," he said. "And…uh…you can always call me if you need to talk at any time. You know where I am."

Grace nodded. "Thank you, Harvey. I might."

Two-Face returned to the Rec Room to hear loud noises coming from the cell block. "Clowns at it again?" he muttered.

"Yep," said Ivy. "Just to prove my point that everyone starts rubbing your face in their relationships the moment yours ends. And speaking of ended relationships, how was the ex?"

"Ok," he replied. "Her marriage has just ended."

"And she's come running back to her ex, is that it?" snorted Ivy. "Pathetic."

"Oh yeah, you're a great one to talk, Pam," snapped Two-Face. "Don't insult her, all right? She's been through a lot."

"Yeah, I'm sure divorce is a lot harder than being transformed into a plant hybrid by the guy you loved," retorted Ivy.

"It's not a competition," growled Two-Face. "She hasn't had half her face blown off either, but I can still sympathize with her. Why are you being so heartless?"

"I'm not," retorted Ivy. "I'm just being myself."

"Yeah, that's your problem, all right," he muttered, heading off to his cell.


	4. Chapter 4

Poison Ivy had thought that Two-Face's bad mood toward her would pass in a few days – it always had before when he got in one of his tempers. But any attempt to engage him in anything more than casual conversation was instantly shot down. And Ivy knew why.

A couple days after Grace's visit, Dr. Leland had called Two-Face into her office, to ask if he would be interested in doing some joint therapy with Grace. Grace had requested that he be present so that they could discuss and analyze their past relationship, so Dr. Leland could help Grace move on with new ones by knowing what triggers she should avoid. Two-Face had agreed, for Grace's sake.

But Ivy had heard them in therapy together when she passed the office to head to lunch. Two-Face and Grace were talking and laughing, remembering old times they had shared as a couple. And Ivy had felt fury burning in the pit of her stomach.

She wasn't jealous, she assured herself. After all, it wasn't like she loved Two-Face, or even wanted to be with him. It was just that she had certain needs, and they weren't being satisfied anymore, which made her cranky and irrational.

And her bad mood certainly wasn't helped when Two-Face and Grace entered the cafeteria with Dr. Leland.

"If you're sure you want a lunch break, I'm going to apologize for the food in advance," said Dr. Leland. "I've tried speaking to people about the catering, but security is always the first priority here in Arkham, rather than dining."

"That's ok, Dr. Leland," said Grace. "It can't be any worse than that stuff Harvey and I had in Rio the first time we went."

"And that's when I decided to learn Portuguese, so I would never again order chicken cooked in its own blood," said Two-Face, grinning at her. "Although it actually wasn't as bad as you think it's gonna be."

"You say that, but I remember staying up all night with you while you threw up," replied Grace. "And we couldn't get any medicine because we didn't know the Portuguese for medicine. I'm surprised we went back there every year."

"Well, it had its good points as well, if I recall," said Two-Face, smiling. "That private beach, for instance…"

"Can't you two keep it in therapy?" interrupted Ivy, angrily.

Two-Face looked at her in surprise. "Uh…any problems with the inmates, just ask for the guards," said Dr. Leland. She gave Ivy a warning look before she left them.

"Well, Grace, let me introduce you to everyone," said Two-Face. "This is…uh…the Joker – don't shake his hand!" he interrupted, as Joker held his hand out. "He's the guy you have to primarily thank for that little outburst of mine."

"All I was trying to do was help Harvey remember the passion he had for you by igniting his jealousy towards Bruce Wayne," said Joker, shrugging. "I thought he'd fight for you, not try to kill both of you. I just wanted to reunite two loving hearts, and they call me a bad guy."

"This is the Joker's girlfriend, Harley Quinn," continued Two-Face, ignoring him. "And Jonathan Crane, Jervis Tetch, and…Poison Ivy," he finished.

"Nice to meet you all," said Grace, smiling at them. "Especially you, Miss Ivy."

"Why me?" demanded Ivy.

"Oh…well…it's just…Harvey speaks very highly of you," she said, taken aback by Ivy's hostility.

"C'mon, Grace, let's get some food," muttered Two-Face, escorting her to the line to pick out her meal.

"Harley, what day is it?" asked Joker, grinning as he looked at Ivy glaring at Grace and Two-Face.

"Tuesday, puddin'," she replied.

Joker grinned. "Perfect. Pushing time," he giggled, sliding over to Ivy.

"Well, they look happy," he commented, grabbing a handful of grapes off her plate. "How long were they together? Four years?"

"I don't know," snapped Ivy.

"And how long were you and Harvey together before you tried to kill him?" asked Joker casually, popping the grapes into his mouth. "Couple of weeks, wasn't it?"

"Just shut up and stop eating my babies!" snapped Ivy, grabbing the grapes away from him.

"I'm just trying to sympathize with your jealousy, Pammie," said Joker.

"I'm not jealous!" she retorted. "If I wanted to be in a relationship with Harvey, I would be! Because no man can resist me!"

"Says the woman currently without a man," commented Joker, nodding.

Ivy was about to punch him in the face when the object of her rage was suddenly shifted as Two-Face and Grace took a seat not far from them.

"I was just saying to Pammie how happy you two look together," said Joker, smiling at them. "Is there a romantic reconciliation in the air?"

"Well…we're not ruling anything out yet," said Grace, smiling shyly at Two-Face. "But it's been good talking about old times. We had…a pretty good thing not so long ago."

"Oh yeah, gotta take advantage of a good thing," agreed Joker. "Like me and my Harley girl," he said, sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her onto his lap. "It's so nice being in a mutually loving relationship, isn't it, pumpkin pie?" he cooed, kissing her.

"Oh…yeah, it is, Mr. J," said Harley, surprised and pleased at his sudden, rare burst of affection.

"I tell ya, people call me crazy, but I'd have to be really crazy to let a great catch like Harley get away," continued Joker. "I mean, when you find someone really special, there'd be nothing worse than seeing them with someone else, and realizing that you'd let them get away forever, leaving you with nothing but bitter regrets and a broken heart. Don't you think, Pammie?"

"It's not going to work, J," she growled under her breath. "Just drop it now."

"I'm guessing decisiveness isn't a trait you admire in a guy, huh, Grace?" asked Joker, smiling at her.

"Oh…uh…well, actually Harvey used to be a real decisive guy," she said. "He was always taking charge – planning spontaneous romantic getaways and things like that. It's one of the things I loved most about him."

"Well, he's not like that anymore," snapped Ivy. "Has to flip the coin to decide everything. Everything," she repeated. "It gets irritating in a relationship after awhile, trust me."

"Oh," said Grace, surprised. "Well…I'm sure Harvey would try to get better with the right kind of support…"

"What's that supposed to mean, blondie?" snapped Ivy. "That he hasn't had the right kind of support? You try being supportive the hundredth time he can't decide whether he wants to be on top or bottom!"

"Pam, I don't think we need details like that…" hissed Two-Face.

"I'm…sure Harvey has his defects, but I like to think that if you love someone, you can put up with a few defects," said Grace.

"That's right," said Harley, cheerfully. "That's what I'm always telling you, Red! If it's true love, it don't matter!"

"What defects do I have?" demanded Joker.

"I don't think you have any, puddin', but Red's always saying that you do," replied Harley.

"Look, this is all kinda a moot point, since Grace and I don't have any plans to reconcile," muttered Two-Face. "She deserves better than a lunatic with half a face. That's why she's in therapy, so she can find someone better."

"Good," snapped Ivy. "I wish you the best of luck with it, Grace. Move on, find a nice guy, and leave the lunatics to themselves. Excuse me," she snapped, standing up and storming out of the cafeteria.

Joker whistled. "I was kinda hoping for a catfight, but as long as Pammie's irritated, mission accomplished," he chuckled, pushing Harley off his lap.

"Aw, c'mon, puddin', I thought you were really taking onboard what I was saying about more regular physical intimacy…" began Harley, trying to climb back into his lap.

"No, I was trying to irritate Pammie, you greedy brat!" he snapped, shoving her away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset anyone," said Grace, sincerely.

"It's not you, Grace, it's her," growled Two-Face. "She can be a bit of a nightmare sometimes. I dunno why I…"

He trailed off. "Why you what?" asked Grace.

"Nothing," he said, hastily. "Nothing. Uh…maybe we'd better head back to therapy."

"Harvey," said Grace, taking his hand as they left the cafeteria. "Do you love her?"

"I…I don't know, Grace," he murmured. "I don't know anymore. She's right, I'm…not very decisive. I…can't say for sure what I feel about her. Not anymore," he said, gazing at her.

"And…can you say for sure what you feel about me?" she asked, quietly.

"Even if I could, it's for the best that I don't," he replied. "Dr. Leland's right – you do need to move on with a genuine, nice, normal guy. And that's not me."

"That _was_ you, Harvey," she whispered, touching his cheek. "And I know that's who you can be again, if you just try. If you just believe you can be."

"Well…at least I've got a reason to try again," he murmured, touching her hand.

She beamed, and they walked hand in hand back to Dr. Leland's office.


	5. Chapter 5

The final straw for Poison Ivy came a few weeks later. Her situation was not improved, Two-Face and Grace had appeared even more cuddly together, and to make matters worse, the Joker was not letting up on trying to push her over the edge.

She hadn't really expected him to – he was a jerk who had nothing better to do with his time, and got off on irritating people. But there was only so much pushing people could take before they snapped. And for Ivy, it happened that evening.

She had been lying awake in bed when she heard familiar sounds from the neighboring cell. "No, not again!" she hissed, pressing the pillow over her ears.

"Oh…puddin'! I'll have some good news for the counselor about you taking onboard my more regular sexual activity suggestion…oh, puddin'! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, harder!"

Ivy banged on the wall. "Shut up in there!" she roared. "Gag her, J, if you can't keep her quiet any other way!"

"Oh, I've got all kinds of creative ways to keep my baby quiet!" giggled Joker. "But I prefer it when she loudly indicates that she enjoys our mutually loving physical relationship! I tell ya, it's great being in a mutually loving physical relationship. Just listen to Harley if you don't believe me!"

"Oh…oh yeah, it is, Mr. J!" moaned Harley.

"C'mon, baby, louder!" he chuckled. "As Harvey used to say to Grace. Probably still does…"

Ivy stood up, storming over to her cell door and planting some seeds in the lock. It burst off as a plant instantly sprouted, wrapping itself around the bars on the neighboring cells and bending them apart.

"Jesus, Red, this is private!" cried Harley as Ivy stormed into her cell.

"No, no – the more the merrier, pumpkin pie!" chuckled Joker. "C'mon, Pammie, join in…"

Ivy punched him hard across the face, knocking him off the bed. "Leave him alone, Red!" shrieked Harley, rushing to pull her away.

"I don't want to hear another word about Grace and Harvey!" Ivy shrieked, continuing to punch him. "I'm not jealous, all right?! I don't care what they do!"

"Then you won't care that Harvey was released from Arkham this afternoon, and went home with Grace," said Joker, grinning at her through bleeding teeth.

Ivy stared at him in shock. "What?!" she shrieked. "You filthy liar!"

"Don't…shoot…the messenger…Pammie!" laughed Joker, as Ivy continued to punch him.

"It's after midnight – why on earth is everyone making this racket?!" shouted Crane, storming into the cell.

"Yes, and where in heaven's name are the guards?" demanded Tetch, yawning. "Aren't they meant to be on call to handle this sort of thing?"

"I may have taken care of a few of them when I snuck into Harley's cell," said Joker, nodding. "I knew if they heard us making ha ha, they might wanna come in and spoil the fun. And I wanted everyone to hear we were making ha ha. But mostly one person in particular," he said, grinning at Ivy. "Just wanted to give you a taste of what Grace and Harvey are doing tonight…"

Ivy shrieked and began attacking him again. "I'm finding some guards," muttered Tetch, wandering off, while Crane joined Harley in trying to pull Ivy off Joker.

"You're a liar, a filthy, disgusting liar!" screamed Ivy, fighting to get back to him. "Stop trying to make me jealous! It's not going to work!"

"Clearly," agreed Joker, grinning. "You just gotta look at you to see a calm, rational, sane individual…"

"You try going two months without sex!" she shrieked.

"Oh, pull yourself together, Pamela!" shouted Crane. "Some of us have had to be alone our whole lives, watching the people we care about being trampled and abused by utterly unworthy pieces of scum! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it!"

"Oh yeah, like you have, Johnny?!" she demanded.

"No, like…Jervis has!" he snapped, as Tetch returned with a group of guards.

"Like I have what?" asked Tetch.

"The person you loved was with someone else, and so rather than moping about that, you acted," said Crane.

"Yes, and it ended terribly," replied Tetch. "The moral of my story is don't act because it will all go horribly wrong."

"I'm not going to take any action!" snapped Ivy, as the inmates were escorted back to their separate cells by the guards. "Because I'm not jealous! And even if I was, I still wouldn't act, because J's a liar! Harvey wasn't released – I would have heard about it!"

"Actually, he _was_ released, Red," said Harley. "I ran into him leaving Dr. Leland's office on my way to therapy, and he told me the doctors were giving him a trial parole in light of his recent progress. He's being monitored and everything to make sure he behaves himself, but he's a free man at the moment. And he did go home with Grace. I'm sorry if that upsets you."

Ivy said nothing. But there was a strange look in her eyes as her body began shaking. "Red?" said Harley, concerned. "You ok?"

The deafening scream that erupted from her could probably have been heard all the way in Metropolis. When Batman arrived at Arkham in response to the emergency call, he found the whole place covered in vines. It was like the entire building had become a greenhouse.

"What the hell happened?" he demanded as he cut his way through the jungle that was the cell block.

"Uh…Red got kinda upset," said Harley, who was the only inmate not entangled in foliage. "And all her plants just kinda…exploded."

"It was worth it, Bats!" laughed Joker, who was tied up in a vine and being held upside down, with one vine wrapped tightly around his throat. "I love watching people snap! I'm just waiting for your day – all I gotta do is keep pushing! I'm betting you'll go on a killing spree rather than have a plant explosion…"

"Where was Ivy headed?" demanded Batman.

"My guess is probably to Grace Lamont's place," replied Harley. "She kept insisting she wasn't jealous of her and Harvey, but you know what? I think she actually is. As a former psychiatrist, I got kinda an insight into this stuff."

"Great. Thanks, Joker," growled Batman, heading out of Arkham and hoping he wasn't too late.


	6. Chapter 6

Two-Face stood on the balcony of Grace's apartment, smoking a cigarette. It was after midnight, but he hadn't been able to sleep – there were too many thoughts keeping him awake. Thoughts and memories. That was what bothered him.

He had had a wonderful evening with Grace. They had ordered a Chinese takeaway with a bottle of wine, which was the classic meal they used to have when they were both working on cases and couldn't be bothered to cook.

"Just like old times," said Two-Face, pouring her a glass of wine. "Although I feel like we should be discussing a nice murder or something. Maybe one of mine this time."

Grace didn't smile. "I'm sorry, that was a bad joke…" he muttered.

"It's just hard for me to think of you as a criminal," she interrupted. "When the Harvey I knew would never have hurt anyone."

"Well…I'm not exactly the Harvey you knew, Grace," he said, slowly. "I need you to understand that if…if you want to give us a chance again. This…other personality of mine is as much a part of me as Harvey was. I've got a dark side that's done some dark things, and I'm ok with that. I need you to be ok with it too."

"I just…it's hard to believe sometimes," she murmured, picking at her food. "You were just the sweetest, nicest guy…"

"I pretended to be," he interrupted. "I hid my bad side from everyone, including myself. I was afraid of it. But I'm not afraid of it anymore. I've had to deal with it for a long time now. You can't hide away parts of yourself, or pretend they don't exist. As unpleasant as they are, you have to face them, and accept them."

"Or change them?" suggested Grace, gently.

"Maybe," he agreed. "But I can't change back to the way I was. Things can't be the way they were. We can't go back. We can only go forward, and start again, if that's what you want."

"Is that what _you _want?" she asked.

He looked at her, reaching for his coin. "No, don't do that," she said, catching his hand. "Just look at me and make the decision. Do you want to be with me?"

He didn't respond, taking a large gulp of wine. "Harvey, I can accept your mistakes," she murmured. "I can accept that things won't be the same between us. But I can't accept you living your life and mine on the whim of fate. Based on chance. I need you to take control of your life now. Of our life."

She placed both her hands on his. "You are a sane, rational man," she murmured. "You can make this choice. Not the coin. You."

He stared at her in silence, saying nothing. "I…I can't decide, Grace," he whispered. "I can't. Not without the coin."

She smiled sadly. "Let me help you, Harvey," she whispered, kissing him tenderly. He seized her tightly in his arms, returning the kiss as she grew more passionate, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him close. The next few moments were a blur of hands and lips and clothes as they made their way into the bedroom and tumbled down onto the bed together.

Two-Face glanced back inside to see Grace sleeping soundly, curled up in the sheets, the moonlight glowing off her pale flesh, and a peaceful smile on her face. He took another drag on his cigarette as he obsessively flipped his coin.

He didn't regret what had happened – it had been incredible. But he couldn't help but feel like he had taken advantage of a vulnerable woman who had just gone through a bitter divorce, and was desperately trying to cling to any shred of happiness, including her past relationship with her ex. He didn't feel like Grace wanted to be with him necessarily as much as she just wanted to feel happy and loved again. And he could certainly understand that feeling.

Because the truth was, he knew he wasn't still in love Grace. It had been fun to remember old times together, but that was all they had in common anymore – old times. Past experiences which, wonderful as they had been, were gone forever, and couldn't be recreated in their future. They were both different people now. At least, he was. His accident had changed more than a few things about him. Driven him crazy, maybe. He supposed he would have to be crazy not to be in love with Grace. She was the sweetest, kindest, gentlest woman in the world. But that wasn't the kind of woman he wanted anymore.

And she deserved better. She deserved a bright, happy future with a new relationship, not to chain herself to an old one, to someone who wasn't any good for her anymore. The right thing to do would be to let her go.

He flipped the coin again. Objectively, Grace was its good side. With her help, it was entirely possible that he could reconcile his two halves again, that he could try living a normal life. Or it was possible that he could not. That he could just drag Grace down with him, to a life of misery and unhappiness and indecision.

And the bad side, he thought, flipping it again. The bad side was Poison Ivy. He knew he was in love with her, despite everything. Hell, he had to be in love with her to still care about her after the way she acted. They deserved each other, in a way – both of them were considered crazy, homicidal criminals. That was certainly who he was. Maybe only one half of him, but that half could never be satisfied with a good, normal life with Grace. There would be something missing every day they were together, something that would eventually eat away at their relationship and destroy it. He couldn't make Grace suffer that, not after all the crap she had gone through. She deserved a happy, stable relationship with a happy, stable guy. And that wasn't him.

They had really loved each other once. And maybe that love could still conquer all. But he doubted it. The truth was, he had outgrown that love. It was something Harvey had desperately wanted and needed, but now…now it seemed like a distant memory. And a guy couldn't be happy living in a memory. Nor could a relationship.

He flipped the coin again, and it landed good side up. He needed to decide what that good side meant. Was the right thing to do in this scenario to let Grace go, as much as it might hurt her? Or was it to stay with the woman who could possibly redeem him in some way? The coin couldn't decide this one for him.

He sighed, pocketing the coin and flicking the cigarette butt off the balcony. Heading back into the bedroom, he took a seat on the bed next to Grace. He brushed her face gently with the back of his hand, and she stirred.

"Mmm…Harvey?" she whispered, gazing sleepily up at him. "You ok?"

"Grace, we need to talk," he murmured. "I've made my decision."

"Oh…ok," she said, yawning and rubbing her eyes as she sat up. "It can't wait until morning?"

"No, I…I don't think it can," he said, slowly. "I can't stay here, Grace. I can't be with you here like this. I'm not your boyfriend anymore. And…I don't think I can let myself be that again."

She stared at him in confusion and pain. "Why not?" she asked.

He was silent. "Look, you want to be with Harvey Dent," he muttered. "The way he used to be. Pure and unscarred and whole and sane. And that's not who I am anymore. We can't ever get back what we used to have. That's in the past, and it's gone forever. And that's all we really have in common – the past, old times. But I'm not the guy I used to be. And you deserve a man who's so much better than the man I've become. I can't be so selfish as to drag you down with me, and that's what would happen, Grace. I know ideally we'd both like to think that maybe you could pull me back up to a normal, stable, sane life, but…it's so much easier to go down a hill than climb up it. The chances are we'd both end up in Arkham. And I can't be responsible for ruining your life. Not when…I care about you so deeply."

She nodded slowly as tears began to stream from her eyes. "Oh, Grace, please don't cry," he murmured. "I never wanted to hurt you. But deep down I think you know we're wrong for each other. I think you know this happened because you wanted to feel loved and special to someone. And you are, Grace. I…love you so much. But I'm just not in love with you anymore."

She nodded again. "You always were good with words, Harvey," she whispered. "I guess that's why you made DA."

"You forget my stunning good looks," he said. "Which is why I ain't DA anymore. That and the whole crazy thing."

She managed a laugh. "Now you look at me," he said, tilting her chin up. "You don't want this monster, not really. Look at your face. Pure and unscarred and whole and beautiful. There's no two faces about you, Grace. Your true face is yours, and mine is mine. And they don't match."

He kissed her tenderly. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "But this is my decision."

He pulled out a gun and shot the security camera. "That should make the cops come running," he said.

"Where did you get a gun?" she asked, shocked.

"Got a connection I visited when I went to pick up the takeaway," he muttered. "See, you can't trust me, Grace. My bad side always wins out. Sometimes I feel like it wants to destroy Harvey Dent completely. I can't destroy you along with me."

He gestured to a chair. "Now please take a seat. I want you tied up for when the cops come, so they can't implicate you in my escape."

She stared at him with tears in her eyes but obeyed. Her tears fell as he began tying her to the chair with her bedsheets. "Grace, I want you to understand this," he whispered. "Please try. I don't want us parting on bad terms again."

"I do understand, Harvey," she murmured. "It's just hard for me to accept. You don't belong back in Arkham with the rest of the weirdos and the crazies…"

"Yes, he does!" shrieked a familiar voice. They both turned to see Poison Ivy climbing onto the balcony with the aid of a giant plant stalk. "What the hell is this?!" she demanded, storming into the room and seeing the situation. "Some kinda kinky sex game?! I'm the only one who can play those with him, get it, blondie?!"

"Pam, what are you doing here?" demanded Two-Face.

"Taking back what's mine!" she shrieked. "And that's you, Harvey! I won't let this annoying, good girl type take you away from me! She's not who you need! I am!"

"Pam…" began Two-Face.

"All right, you want me to say it?!" she shrieked. "I'll say it! I want you! I need you! I love you, Harvey! Are you happy now?! I love you!"

Two-Face smiled at Grace. "See, we all got our crazy exes…" he began.

"Don't you dare call me crazy!" she screamed. "I won't let this woman take you away from me! I'll summon my babies and have them choke the life outta her first! I'll do it, Harvey! You know I will!"

"Don't do this, Pam," muttered Two-Face. "I'm warning you…"

Ivy raised her hand to call her plants, and then screamed in pain as a bullet embedded itself in her ankle. She fell to the ground, clutching it. "You shot me!" she screamed, glaring up at Two-Face's smoking gun. "You shot me, you bastard!"

Two-Face said nothing, bending down and tying Ivy's arms behind her back. "I love you too, Pam," he muttered, picking her up and tossing her over his shoulder. "Now c'mon, let's head back to Arkham."


	7. Chapter 7

"I still can't believe he shot me!" exclaimed Poison Ivy a few weeks later. Her leg was still in a cast from the bullet wound, and she had to hobble around on crutches, which hadn't improved her mood any. And she hadn't seen Two-Face since the whole thing happened. He had been keeping to his cell ever since his return, and so the only person Ivy had to complain to was the general inmates in the Rec Room. "After I told him I loved him and everything! And then he goes and says he loves me, but who's ever been shot by a guy who says he loves you?"

"I have, Red," said Harley, cheerfully. "Lots of times. Mr. J's an affectionate guy, and I got a lot of bullet wounds from him. I call 'em love scars," she sighed. "Wanna see 'em?"

"No…thanks, Harley," growled Ivy, adjusting her cast. "Where is the louse anyway?"

Her question was answered as Jonathan Crane and Jervis Tetch came racing into the Rec Room, with the Joker close behind them holding a bucket of steaming water over his head. "It's for charity, boys!" he cried. "You can't say no!"

Crane and Tetch had managed to barricade themselves under the table, and Joker looked around for another victim. He saw Ivy sitting on the sofa and chuckled to himself, sneaking up behind her.

"Don't even think about it," snapped Ivy, not even turning around. "And everyone's over that bucket challenge thing already, J. It was just a fad."

"Oh, like your relationship with Harvey, huh?" asked Joker, turning to grin at her.

Ivy glared at him and then swiped her crutch at him, knocking the bucket out of his hands and onto his head.

"This is what I get for telling a guy I love him, I guess," she sighed, ignoring Joker's cries of pain. "But then all men are creeps."

"It's ok, puddin' – it's for charity," said Harley, who had raced over to Joker and was trying to comfort him. "And you're so brave for doing it twice! Just think how much good this is gonna be for the Joker Foundation to Spread Smiles and Laughter…"

"Just get offa me, you dumb blonde!" he roared, shoving her away. "Unless you want to get another love scar!"

"Oooh, puddin', I do!" she purred. "Maybe you could dump a bucket of boiling water on my head and give me a love burn!"

"It's only funny if you don't want it to happen, you stupid broad!" he snapped.

"Oh," said Harley, frowning. "Then…uh…then whatever you do, puddin', please, please, please don't dump a bucket of boiling water on my head and give me a love burn! That would be the worst possible thing ever!"

"Don't try that reverse psychology crap on me, Harley – I was seeing through that before you were even born," he retorted.

"Fine, puddin'," she sighed. "Just sit here all damp and sulking and think about what a loser you are."

Joker stared at her. "What did you call me?" he hissed.

"A loser," she retorted. "Everything you plan fails, whether it's killing Batman or dumping a bucket of boiling water on Jervis or Johnny. And Red just humiliated the crap outta you. Sounds like a loser to me."

Joker's whole body was shaking as his hands balled into fists. "All right, you little brat," he growled. "You asked for it. Daddy's gonna teach you some respect right now!"

Harley beamed as she was dragged off by her hair again. "And that's how you do reverse psychology, folks!" she whispered, giving them a thumbs up.

Ivy sighed, struggling to her feet. "I'm heading to lunch before she starts screaming," she muttered.

As she hobbled down the hall toward the cafeteria, she passed the visiting room. Glancing through the glass door, she saw Two-Face talking to Grace, who was being escorted by a police officer. This didn't improve Ivy's mood at all, and she entered the cafeteria ready to murder a steak, along with most of the staff.

"Well, you take care of yourself, Grace," said Two-Face at last, standing up and embracing her.

"You too, Harvey," she murmured. She kissed his cheek on the bad side of his face and whispered, "Goodbye."

Two-Face watched her until the police officer escorted her out, and then made his way into the Rec Room. Ivy wasn't back from the cafeteria, but the Joker was there, hunting under the sofa.

"Lose something, J?" asked Two-Face.

"Yeah, yeah, whoopie cushion," he said. "Thought I left it in here the last time I tried to make Pammie jealous."

"Can't you just stop trying to rile people?" Two-Face asked. "It's never ended well."

"It's always ended well for me!" giggled Joker. "Maybe you and Pammie should stop being so easily riled! Anyway, it worked out well for you both! Pammie got to declare her true feelings for you, and you got to shoot Pammie!"

"And that time you riled me into trying to kill Grace?" asked Two-Face.

Joker shrugged. "All I was doing was saving her years of pointless waiting for a guy who was never gonna change. It was a service, as well as a great joke."

"Yeah…maybe you're right about that," muttered Two-Face. "I…let her go. It's better for both of us in the long run. It's definitely better for her – she's started seeing the officer who was handling my parole violation. Police officers are nice guys, right?"

"They've never been nice to me," replied Joker. "But then I am a homicidal lunatic who's murdered about two-thirds of their force."

"That's the kinda guy Grace should be with, anyway," Two-Face continued. "Nice girls shouldn't be with bad guys. They can't change 'em."

"Harley seems to think she can," said Crane, loudly.

"She ain't a nice girl," giggled Joker, sticking his hand down the side of the cushion and retrieving a whoopie cushion. "She's a naughty, dirty, bad girl. And she don't wanna change me, because I'm a naughty, dirty, bad man, and that's why we're suited. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go rev up my Harley."

"Where's Pammie?" asked Two-Face, as Joker left.

"Still in the cafeteria, I believe," replied Crane.

"Guess I'll go see her there," he said, heading for the door.

"Please try not to make her have another gardening explosion," spoke up Tetch. "Unless the foliage includes talking flowers, as in _Through the Looking Glass, and What Alice Found There_…"

"I'll do my best," interrupted Two-Face. On his way down the hall, he saw Ivy hobbling back in his direction. She looked up, glared at him, and made to continue on.

"Uh…can we talk?" he asked, catching her arm.

"Sure you don't just wanna shoot me again?" she snapped.

"No, I didn't ever want to do that," he retorted. "But you were being irrational, and you were gonna hurt Grace for no reason."

"Oh, Grace, Grace, Grace!" she snapped. "I'm sick of hearing her name! Why don't you just bust outta here and marry Grace?!"

"Because I don't love her, Pam," he said. "I love you. I want to be with you."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you shot me!" she snapped. "Because I'm not just gonna forgive you for that! I'm not Harley! Guys can't treat me like crap and expect me to crawl back to them! I'm a strong, independent woman, and I don't need…"

He seized her and kissed her, slamming her against the wall. Ivy began striking him in the side of the head, with gradually less and less force, eventually wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him tightly against her.

"If you want me to forgive this gunshot wound, you gotta make it up to me," she gasped, drawing away at last.

"Any ideas how you want me to do that?" he murmured, grinning.

"Oh, quite a few," she whispered, smiling at him. "Should we flip for them?" she said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his coin.

He smiled. "You love me despite my defects, huh?"

"You love me despite mine – it only seems fair," she murmured, pulling him into her cell. "And you know me, Harvey. I'm a fair, balanced, even-tempered kinda gal."

"Mmm, don't ever change, Pammie," he whispered, grinning. "Wouldn't want to be involved with a psychotic woman. I'd have to be crazy."

**The End**


End file.
